Pads vs. the Patriarchy
Sometimes my friends and I would stand outside our class and talk. We talked about colleges, our future careers, and cramps. From that, the conversation typically turned from a casual chat to a hushed whisper. One of my friends would give us a look, which signaled that men were passing, which meant we had to cease discussions about menstruation and how it affects us. It reminded me of a word that I heard a lot growing up, Sharam, the Hindi word for shame. Every time I see my friends refer to their period as ‘being sick’ or ‘not feeling great’ to their male friends, I want to scream in their faces. They were American, yet they still felt the Sharam that was ingrained in me when I lived in India. It left me asking, why are periods and Sharam synonyms?
I grew up in Bombay, India, and had the unique privilege of having my groceries delivered to my house. This luxury is not one that many people have. When the groceries arrived, I would have to hunt for my pads. They were always wrapped in layers of the daily newspaper and hidden from the public eye. I sometimes envisioned the men at the store. I imagined them wrapping my pads and weaving in Sharam on every level. Wrapped by men who have immigrated from small, underdeveloped states to my city to make a living as delivery men. Their ignorance spreads through their families and the community. I do not always blame these men for their ignorance as many of them have not had a proper education. I do, however, have anger towards my teachers- my female teachers. They were all female teachers who were teaching in an all-girls school. Though it was a Catholic school, Catholicism should not have stopped them from teaching young girls about their bodies. The women made to feel that their bodies are something to be ashamed of and that our bodies are sinful and dangerous. I had always believed that my body was sinful, but I still wondered why. The only resources I had were my friends’ mothers and the close-knit suburb of conservative housewives- who themselves did not know the answer- or the Catholic nuns, who were supposed to be my teachers, but they only pushed the idea of ‘Sharam’, instead of explaining why. The extreme lack of sex education in Indian schools made it difficult for me to learn about my body. My only choice was to ask my equally ill-informed peers or girls who got their period before me and therefore possessed a higher social currency of being, ‘young women’.
The Indian/Desi community is largely patriarchal. While young women are shamed for their bodies, men gain power from the oppression of women. Some girls are taken out of school for a whole week because of their periods. When they miss so much school, girls fall behind in class and often end up dropping out. Education becomes a resource available only to boys, which allows them to get jobs and therefore make the most money. Also, people who are menstruating are treated the same as people who have leprosy. Women cannot be touched during their time of the month, nor are they allowed to cook or enter religious buildings until the bleeding is finished. As soon as they begin menstruating, some girls are sold as child brides to men twice, or even three times their age. Once a girl begins her period, they are forced to only speak in whispers when they need a pad, and she must never ask for one in front of a boy or a man. They are conditioned to hide a naturally occurring, monthly event.
I still remember less than 2 years ago when I told my mother's friend that I was planning on taking birth control because my periods caused me pain. She replied, “I suffered through the pain and therefore you must too. As a woman, it is normal to suffer.” I was taken aback and argued that suffering because you're a woman is not normal and teaching that to girls isn’t normal either. It felt good to stand up for myself and the decisions I make in regards to my body.
Thankfully, I am not alone in wanting to stand up against this oppression, some influencers on social media have joined in on the conversation. Instagram influencers from India recently decided to try to destigmatize menstruation in India. For example, Post For Change is a nonprofit organization run by Indian Instagram influencer, Diipa Khosla and her husband Oleg Buller. The organization, which prides itself on “using social media influencers as a transformative engine for change,” recently partnered with Unicef India. These influencers took the initiative to work to educate and inform young girls and boys about menstruation and the stigmas attached. They also started the #RedDotChallenge on Instagram to help make conversations regarding periods normalized.
Their efforts reminded me of when I decided to fight back with my mothers’ friend, or when I challenged the ignorance of my peers or even men who shy away from talking about menstruation. When I think about these moments, I am reminded of the influence one voice can have. It can be unnerving at times to speak up about things that are taboo and fighting with peers can be difficult. It takes a lot of courage to question the people and the society in which you have been raised, but, if we can eliminate the ‘Sharam’ that has been ingrained into our consciousness, we can educate others and help spread awareness that menstruation is not a sin and it does not make a girl dirty or unworthy. The destigmatization can only come through education and awareness. So let’s start talking, one period at a time.