Loss Vs Shadow Loss (& What Thanatology Can Teach Us About Grief)
Thanatology for those who haven't heard the term before is the scientific study of death, dying and the psychological mechanisms we use to cope with these events. The amazing thing about the study of thanatology is that it can teach us how to cope with all kinds of losses, not just those that are associated with physical death. Keep reading to find out more.
Loss vs shadow loss
Thanatologist Cole Imperi defines loss as something we experience when there is physical death of a loved one, friend, family member, or even beloved pet. This type of loss tends to be a big deal in most societies and is followed by a time of mourning, as well as various rituals and ceremonies that provide those grieving with public recognition of their loss, as well as an opportunity for at least some form of emotional release.
Shadow loss, on the other hand, refers to the loss of something important in our lives that was never alive like a job, a home, or even a sense of self. It is important to note that shadow loss can be an extremely painful and difficult experience.
The problem with shadow loss
In essence, shadow loss is what happens when we experience the small (or not so small) deaths of things that were important fixtures in our lives. Imperi also suggests that we emotionally grieve shadow losses just as we do regular ones.
Although, as Imperi points out, it isn't always as easy to drive shadow loss because the well-established traditions such as choosing Funeral Caskets, holding a cremation or burial, and wake are not present. Neither are graveyards, cemeteries, or memorials where we can go and be reminded of what we lost and pay our respects. Indeed, as many people know, grieving a regular loss can be tough enough to do in our society, let alone showing the same strength of feeling for events where no one passed.
What thanatology can teach us about shadow loss
The funny thing is, what thanatology teaches us about shadow loss is that the same rituals and institutions that help us cope with loss can be used to great effect. Both in helping us deal with the feeling of grief and providing a sense of closure, something that can allow us to move onto the next part of our lives.
Imperi suggests that holding a small ceremony in our own homes, complete with a candle, and saying goodbye can be hugely helpful here, as it acts as a type of formal signal to our psyches that the grief of the shadow loss was both acknowledged and released.
Of course, just as when you mourn the loss of a loved one, all the grief doesn't immediately evaporate and must be worked through with mindfulness and compassion, a candle ceremony is unlikely to wipe a shadow loss completely from your mind and heart. However, by acknowledging it, and releasing it where possible, perhaps we can make a tough experience that little bit lighter.
Ward, A. (2017). Thanatology (DEATH & DYING) with Cole Imperi - Ologies with Alie Ward - Omny.fm. Ologies with Alie Ward. https://omny.fm/shows/ologies-with-alie-ward/thanatology-death-dying-with-cole-imperi