A List of Things We've Done Due To Mental Health
Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the United States experiences serious problems with mental health in a given year. For children aged 8-15 the estimate is 13%.
It is clear that fluctuations in mental health are a huge issue for many, so we at Bitter Blush created this list to emphasize how common and serious mental health issues are. This list was compiled using anonymous testimonies from a variety of contributors who shared their positive and negative experiences with mental health. The experiences described below are a collection from many people in our community.
I’ve forced myself to throw up even if I hadn’t eaten in three days.
I skip classes more these days and in the long run I think skipping some classes here and there has a positive effect on my education.
I started to say I love you to myself, no matter what, each morning.
I’ve cut myself as punishment for being…….....me.
I’ve tried to commit suicide three times because I felt worthless and unloved.
I’ve been careful around alcohol lately. It’s really easy for me to drink a lot very quickly in the beginning of the night to take the anxiety out of the room and let myself relax. I try my best to pace myself for the first hour or two in order to avoid feeling anxious.
I’ve thought about killing myself because of how empty I feel inside.
Went to a tattoo place, looked through a book, found a symbol, and got that symbol stamped on my body all within thirty minutes.
I’ve tried to disassociate places from the memories of my ex by taking my friends there. Essentially just repurposing those places in my life.
I work really hard on myself personally and professionally to ensure that the next time I see her I’m doing better than she is.
I used to finish many packs of gum in a day in place of food.
When my mental health isn't as strong, bad feelings tend to magnify. Sadness, loneliness, feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything, all merge into one. They culminate in me retreating into my room or avoiding people or losing appetite. Sometimes I ignore some of my best friends for no reason at all, which leads to more hurt feelings.
When my mental health is strong, I can focus on one thing and find the passion in it. I feel like what I'm doing is meaningful, and that boosts spirits. It also helps all around to make me more confident, which leads me to lean on my relationships and engage with friends.
I woke up at 5am to study for interviews for jobs I wanted but didn’t want.
I’ve cried in many a bathroom.
When I feel rejected, like when someone flakes on me, or I have a night out and I don’t get any attention, I thirst trap. I send nudes and sexy pictures to a long list of people I’ve slept with or wanted to sleep with. I get attention and for a glimmer of a second I feel validated, but then I feel empty. Don’t get me wrong, sexiness, sexuality, skin, bodies, all of that is beautiful and I’m a bigger proponent of sharing it all than most people. But the reasoning behind the sharing matters, and I don’t like myself after I’ve shared in a moment of self-pity.
I’ve cheered, actually celebrated, every time I made it to class.
I realize that I am worthy and that I belong and that I am here to make a difference.
Sometimes I isolate myself from my friends because I know what they’ll say.
I used to cut myself. I’d cut myself when I was sad, frustrated, angry, tired of being called a fag by peers and parents, tired of being called ugly, tired of feeling unsafe and unloved. The physical release of emotional pain coupled with seeing pain that was previously so abstract somehow made it more manageable. Cutting is a psychological release, yes, but it’s also deeply physical. The endorphins, the adrenaline, the opening. I don’t cut anymore but the scars remain, and I’d be lying if I said the thought doesn’t cross my mind sometimes.
I’ve watched way too much Netflix.
I’ve tried to drive a car with my eyes closed.
I now cultivate self love.
I’ve had one night stands with strangers that would inevitably end with me crying into their pillows.
I drank almost every night after being diagnosed with both mono and PTSD because self-destruction was more important than healing.
I starting a blog dedicated to survivors of domestic and sexual abuse during a bad bout of insomnia. It marked the beginning of my own lifelong healing process.
I spontaneously boarded a bus to Philly in search of an intangible “home” and visited a handful of museums I visited when I was 9 years old. While there, I could breathe again. I felt in touch with my younger self, a self free of depression and PTSD, and realized that it was the “home” I was looking for. For the first time in months, I found peace in my surroundings and most importantly, in my mind.
Going to the gym has become a ritualistic cleanse. Regardless of how I’m feeling, I force myself to go because it never fails to distract me from the trivial, place me firmly in the present, and clear my cloudy consciousness, making room for thoughtfulness, clarity, and best of all a little joy. By the end, I can say I’ve done something for myself today, which is a luxury I deeply love.
There were whole days where I wouldn't speak to anyone or speak at all. The kind of thing where when you finally do say something your voice sounds foreign. It got a little better after a few months, but by the end of the year I still barely knew anyone by name.
I leave parties and social situations sometimes because the thought of not impressing people or presenting myself perfectly pushes me into panic attacks. My head hurts, I can’t breathe, my hands shake, my heart leaps out of my chest, I sweat. I feel so embarrassed everytime it happens, but I don’t know how to break the cycle. I need help.